Lonely in Idaho

Being a parent is tough. Watching your kids not have friends is one of the toughest things I've been through. 

I just came across THIS VIRAL PHOTO of an 11-year old boy's "All About Me" sheet from school. In the section where he is supposed to list who his friends are, he write "No One."

The boy is on the autism spectrum and struggles socially as a result.

My heart ached as I read these words from this boys father about how painful it is to watch his son struggle.

I could sooooooooooo relate. First off, I was a kid in school who struggled socially. I battled the anxiety disorder "selective mutism" until I was 10. My social anxiety was so bad that I became literally mute in social settings like school and church.

As I got older, I wouldn't say I didn't have any friends, but I was never popular. I always looked like I was 10 when I was 12, 13 when I was 16 and so on. Plus, I was either overly hyper or shy and awkward. I just couldn't figure it out. I still can't figure it out!

Fast forward to becoming a parent. I swore my kids would be different than me. My son would be the football player, my daughter would have a huge social circle and get asked to all the dances. It hasn't happened that way.

Like the boy from the viral photo, my 10 year old son Boston is on the Autism Spectrum. He has Aspergers and I notice his social quirks all the time. Weird questions, talking about the same topic forever, making random sounds etc.

Moving to Idaho has been the toughest social challenge my children have faced.

My heart was broken when my daughter told me, "Boston just walks the track by himself at every recess."

My daughter too has complained she has no one to play with at school and they have both shed tears about missing friends from our old home in Utah.

About 6 months ago my heart was lifted when my son Boston made friends with the little boy in this picture. He's a "cool" kid at school and for whatever reason they just click. He played at our house for over 5 hours today and I was once again reminded that it's all about Quality when it comes to friends, Not Quantity. (My daughter has since made a few close friends too.)

So, how do you tackle things when your child has a hard time making friends?

Here's some tips I've learned along the way.

• Always make people feel welcome in your home. It's worth it to have a "messy" house and let the kids raid your cupboards.
• Throw a Halloween, Valentines, or Christmas party once in a while. Kids are usually up for a party even if they aren't great friends with your child and your child is more likely to open up and be themselves in a comfortable environment.
• Don't be in denial if your kid has social quirks. My daughter talks too much. (We are working on that.) My son has some strange things he likes to talk about like movie ratings. We've explained that you can talk about those things to Mom and Dad but your friends probably aren't going to be interested in that.
• Ask your kids about recess and lunch. Find out if they are alone in these situations.
• Get them involved in after school activities. Even if your child isn't into sports, get them into theater or group music classes. Gaining a skill also garners confidence and confidence helps kids make friends more easily.