Dear Randy: Drink Oprah And Get Eaten By Lions

Time to answer your email! Today I explain why drinking an Oprah chai will get you eaten by a pack of lions.

Dear Randy,

I heard you and Alana talking about Oprah buying that NBA team.  I know you are a Human Bean fan, but have you tried the Oprah chai at Starbucks yet?

Love your laugh by the way!

R.M.

Hi R.M.,

You’re right, I’m much more of a Coffee Boss guy than a green mermaid guy, so no I haven’t tried the Oprah chai (yet).  Even though I am quite secure with my masculinity, I gotta tell you I would have a hard time walking up to a barista and ordering an Oprah chai latte.  (Not that there’s anything wrong with that of course…)

You see, I do think guys judge each other by the coffee drinks they order.  When a guy orders a black coffee with no sugar or room for cream, you know what you’re getting:  No frills.  No drama.  All man.  He’s probably on his way to skin a bear.  Or drive a monster truck.

Ordering an Oprah chai sends a message to the other men around you that says: “I’m a wounded gazelle.  Go ahead and take my female as your own.  I’m about to be eaten by a lion anyway.  Don’t worry about me…”

So that’s why I can’t see myself ever ordering an Oprah chai.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go finish my laundry.  It’s “delicates day.”

Leave a comment below!  And if you have a question, write to me at Randy@wow1043.com and put “Dear Randy” in the subject line.